“You’re not gonna miss out on what’s meant for you.”

My coach said that to me the other day as I was trying to make a decision about going to an event in New York next week.

Although I was super excited about the event, the last few weeks have been intense with coming back from a retreat, my husband and daughter both getting sick, moving full speed ahead with some business projects, both James and I getting new cars and preparing for an extended trip to the UK.

I’ve been feeling stretched too thin and didn’t want to extend myself further…

And yet with all that being said, I was experiencing a lot of FOMO and didn’t want to miss out on what I knew would be an absolutely incredible event.

I knew that I would get to meet some amazing, high-vibe people.

I love going to New York and even experiencing 48 hours there is so fun.

I knew that I would be expanded…

And at the same time things just weren’t feeling right.

Maybe you’ve been in the same place where you have to make a decision between what feels good and what doesn’t. 

Or what’s the smart decision versus what’s not.

Whether it has an ROI or it doesn’t.

For example, it will help you move your business forward or reach your goals quicker…but you’re maxed out physically or financially.

It can be really confusing to know when to stretch yourself versus when something is not aligned and to put on the brakes or say no.

So today I wanted to talk about some of the tools that I use to get the clarity that I’m craving and make decisions in challenging moments. I literally used these this week! Here they are:

1️⃣ Ask yourself what would feel like relief for you?

Relief is such a powerful emotion and can help you get clear on what you want and what you don’t want. So when you’re thinking about a scenario, like me going to New York, as yourself what would feel like relief in terms of this decision? Going or not going? 

2️⃣ Play both scenarios through and ask yourself how each would feel.

My previous coach used to say “play the whole tape through”. This could look like you actually visualizing yourself in both scenarios. And then observe the emotions that are coming up for you. Or you could literally just ask yourself how it would feel to say yes and how it could feel to say no.

3️⃣ Make a pros and cons list.

There’s a reason why this is a long-standing recommendation for decision-making – it works! I make these lists for everything. 

4️⃣ Remember that your business/success is not dependent upon any one decision. It doesn’t hinge on doing one thing or not.

This is a big one for me. So many people think their success is dependent upon doing the thing or not doing the thing. However, in my experience, there aren’t many opportunities or decisions that are truly make or break. Your success is about the small steps you do regularly to get a result. 

5️⃣ Remember that you’re not gonna miss what’s meant for you.

What would happen if you believed that you couldn’t actually mess this up? And that whatever is meant for you, will come back around. Wouldn’t that be such a freeing way of thinking?

6️⃣ Talk to someone and get a second opinion.

In my case, I spoke to my coach, a friend and my husband about this. They were able to reflect back some of the things I knew to be true (but were being clouded by the FOMO) so I could connect with my desires. (Disclaimer: Make sure the person you’re talking to is someone who is tapped into their desires and doesn’t operate from a place of FOMO!)

So there are six tools that I use to get clear.

I also want to be clear that none of what I’m saying means that you sit on the sidelines of your life or take a completely passive approach. And I’m definitely not saying that you give into fear.

It’s imperative that you know when you’re making a decision based on desire vs fear or playing small. 

At this point, after doing decades of personal development work, I’m very aware of myself and what’s actually going on. I can tell the difference between when I’m holding myself back and when something just isn’t meant for me. 

And if I need extra help, I have the right people in my corner for support.

I also know that in the past, I jumped at every single opportunity that knocked on my door. I worked with all the coaches, I attended all the retreats, I made the most of every moment. And oftentimes that meant that I was maxed out in more ways than one which is not what I’m going for in the present day.

As I told my coach in a voice message, I don’t want to continuously feel like I need to stretch myself to be successful. (And when I say stretch myself, I mean overextend. Of course, I’m going to raise the bar, move past fears, look at my limiting beliefs etc, but that doesn’t require me filling my calendar to the brim overextending myself financially or putting so much pressure on myself that I end up anxious, feeling dis-ease in my life or burnt out.)

So that’s the big lesson here. Being able to identify when you’re maxed out versus when it’s a good stretch and expansive.

And then being able to speak your truth about what decision you’re making if it involves other people.

In the case of my trip to New York, I contacted my friend who is putting on the event and expressed to her how I was feeling and ultimately shared with her that I wasn’t gonna be coming. 

I also told her that due to last-minute cancellation, I wanted to make sure to fill my spot and asked her what she would like me to do to help her do that.

A few minutes later, I reached out to a colleague who I thought would be the perfect fit for this retreat…and she said yes!

I share this with you because when you say no, it actually opens up a door for somebody else to say yes. And maybe they will have a more aligned experience than you would’ve had! Love that.

So you can let things go. You can let things pass you by if they aren’t the right fit. 

It’s okay, and what’s meant for you will find you, and what’s meant for someone else will find them.

Trust your heart and what’s calling you and don’t make yourself wrong for making a different decision, changing your mind, taking things off your plate, providing space in your life and being authentic to what’s truly you.

💡 Tip: If you’re feeling the FOMO on a regular basis, I recommend getting clear on what you actually desire which will make decision making wayyy easier. 

And remember, if you’re craving clarity, check out my Dream Life Guide. You can download it for free and listen to the private podcast feed and it will literally take you step-by-step through my life by desire methodology.

>>>Download the Dream Life Guide